apologies for no post yesterday.
For a good while now 2 phrases have confused and annoyed me greatly.
these are 'legend' and 'lol'.
a few days ago i was called a legend, now i think this might be a compliment but it took me
a while to figure this out. you see the only 'legends' i know of are: The legend of Robin Hood,
The legend of Zorro and the legendary birds from the old pokemon games. this means that ALL legends i know
of are either fictional or dead (i know the legendary birds are dead, i shot them myself).
So thanks for the compliment, anonymous person.
the other saying, lol confuses me because it sounds nothing like a laugh, what was wrong with haha, for the sake of one letter!
also, people are nearly always lying about it:
i was talking to a friend on msn the other day (not the same one which called me a legend, this is not a vendetta) and his webcam was on.
and at some point in the conversation he entered 'lol' but did not laugh. this is perhaps one of the daftest things i have ever seen in my life.
the other annoying thing is the addiction to saying 'lol', it appears in practically any sentence which isn't long enough to fill a whole line. i have seen
nearly every combination of this with the exceptions of:
'lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol'
and 'i went to a funerat today, lol'
actually, i think i have seen both of those lol.
damn!
now i'm infected with it, run! save yourselves!
Monday, 30 March 2009
Saturday, 28 March 2009
Computers
i hate computers.
i know; if they didn't exist i wouldn't be able to talk to you like this every day.
which, quite frankly is a reason for you to hate them.
the reason i don't like them is because they have taken over everything, there is not a single thing in
this entire world which doesn't rely heavily on them, why?
for thousands of years the human race has managed without them, in fact we did much better without them,
less B-U-F-F-E-R-I-N-G and far fewer non-responsive programs.
seriously, the amount of non-responsive programs i get is unbelievable, i don't think there are problems with my computer, i think it's just rude.
another reason for hating computers is the constant lies they pepper you with:
-firstly, on the interweb when you ask (quite nicely) to go somewhere, for example blogsandthelike>blogspot.com, it'll say done in the bottom left corner, but you won't actually be at that address, you are LYING!
i must admit though, since i've stopped putting 'please' at te end of every web address i've been a lot more successful.
- secondly, upgrades. every time i open an internet based document or download, i am told that there is a free download, to date i have not an upgrade which is better than the original program i have had, it is in fact a 'grade'.
i'm no idiot, i can clearly see that the computers plan to take over and are monitoring our every move (they're not, i promise- Microsoft), but quite frankly, if they struggle so much to open a Word document, i'm not too worried.
i know; if they didn't exist i wouldn't be able to talk to you like this every day.
which, quite frankly is a reason for you to hate them.
the reason i don't like them is because they have taken over everything, there is not a single thing in
this entire world which doesn't rely heavily on them, why?
for thousands of years the human race has managed without them, in fact we did much better without them,
less B-U-F-F-E-R-I-N-G and far fewer non-responsive programs.
seriously, the amount of non-responsive programs i get is unbelievable, i don't think there are problems with my computer, i think it's just rude.
another reason for hating computers is the constant lies they pepper you with:
-firstly, on the interweb when you ask (quite nicely) to go somewhere, for example blogsandthelike>blogspot.com, it'll say done in the bottom left corner, but you won't actually be at that address, you are LYING!
i must admit though, since i've stopped putting 'please' at te end of every web address i've been a lot more successful.
- secondly, upgrades. every time i open an internet based document or download, i am told that there is a free download, to date i have not an upgrade which is better than the original program i have had, it is in fact a 'grade'.
i'm no idiot, i can clearly see that the computers plan to take over and are monitoring our every move (they're not, i promise- Microsoft), but quite frankly, if they struggle so much to open a Word document, i'm not too worried.
Friday, 27 March 2009
enterprise day and the like
today, like a lot of you out there, i was subjected ti Enterprise Day,
a day where rather than doing something useful, you work on a task, there is no apparent
need for your end product, but one thing's for sure, you go in thinking it might be a bit of fun, and end completely
fed up.
every task to date i swear has been stolen from the Apprentice; last year we had a film based task, and this time a wedding task.
i cannot remember any others, but i feel sure i was made to sell fish down the market in Year 8.
in fact, that would be an improvement, if at the end of your day, when you're already stressed out, having done all the work for your team
you have to enter the boardroom and fight for your place in the school, with Robinson-Slater ultimately firing the worst student. although in all actually
due to political correctness, the one who did all the work would get fired and Mr ADHD would be left to see how many pencils he could throw into the ceiling.
not all would be lost, as i'd finally be able to have a go at Alan Sugar, the man who asks someone a direct question in the boardroom, and when they answer tells them off for interupting him.
a man who looks so much like a thunderbird puppet, you can actually see the wires,
and finally the man who tells people they're 'fired' when they don't actually work for him yet!
a day where rather than doing something useful, you work on a task, there is no apparent
need for your end product, but one thing's for sure, you go in thinking it might be a bit of fun, and end completely
fed up.
every task to date i swear has been stolen from the Apprentice; last year we had a film based task, and this time a wedding task.
i cannot remember any others, but i feel sure i was made to sell fish down the market in Year 8.
in fact, that would be an improvement, if at the end of your day, when you're already stressed out, having done all the work for your team
you have to enter the boardroom and fight for your place in the school, with Robinson-Slater ultimately firing the worst student. although in all actually
due to political correctness, the one who did all the work would get fired and Mr ADHD would be left to see how many pencils he could throw into the ceiling.
not all would be lost, as i'd finally be able to have a go at Alan Sugar, the man who asks someone a direct question in the boardroom, and when they answer tells them off for interupting him.
a man who looks so much like a thunderbird puppet, you can actually see the wires,
and finally the man who tells people they're 'fired' when they don't actually work for him yet!
Thursday, 26 March 2009
more anger
hmm, i was going to attack sport and PE today, but that seems a bit cruel since
they gave me a free shirt today with 'Mr Dodgeball' on the back. a nice gift, although it
was probably to stop me from attacking them.
so what to attack? yesterday i went to a newsagent and saw the headline 'JADE'S FUNERAL APRIL 4'.
why the hell do i care!? i never liked the woman when she was alive, nobody did, in fact she only appeared in
the newspaper when she got cancer, so in all actuallity, the tumour was more popular than Jade!
but she must have been in the news because nothing else is going on, there hasn't been an election in one of the most powerful nations in the
world, there's no global economic crisis, and the ice caps are fine.
quite frankly, i think it's a joke that i had to have her story in any newspaper i wanted to buy!
and now she's dead, i'm given the time, date and address of her funeral, as if i care!
the only reason i'd need those details is to make sure i'm definately not there!
i now hope that once this funeral is done we can go back to proper news, until the next universally hated 'celeb' contracts an illness.
any illness, a cold will do.
they gave me a free shirt today with 'Mr Dodgeball' on the back. a nice gift, although it
was probably to stop me from attacking them.
so what to attack? yesterday i went to a newsagent and saw the headline 'JADE'S FUNERAL APRIL 4'.
why the hell do i care!? i never liked the woman when she was alive, nobody did, in fact she only appeared in
the newspaper when she got cancer, so in all actuallity, the tumour was more popular than Jade!
but she must have been in the news because nothing else is going on, there hasn't been an election in one of the most powerful nations in the
world, there's no global economic crisis, and the ice caps are fine.
quite frankly, i think it's a joke that i had to have her story in any newspaper i wanted to buy!
and now she's dead, i'm given the time, date and address of her funeral, as if i care!
the only reason i'd need those details is to make sure i'm definately not there!
i now hope that once this funeral is done we can go back to proper news, until the next universally hated 'celeb' contracts an illness.
any illness, a cold will do.
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
Weather Forecasts
what is the point?
they don't actually know what the weather is going to be like!
they don't even predict it in a confident way; 'it might be sunny, it might rain'
i could do that!
and i wouldn't need thousands of pounds worth of equipment to tell me what the weather might be! i'd just stick my head out the window and say what it's like!
it's cold and wet all of the time, it's a fair bet it'll be cold and wet tomorrow. Yet the idiot on the TV tells you it might be sunny tomorrow, you know in your heart they're wrong but you prepare for sun, and guess what. it f***ing rains!
then, as if this wasn't bad enough, they have now started telling you what the weather has been.
that is NOT a forecast!
why on earth do i have to be told what the weather was, is it in case i wasn't quite paying attention earlier!?
and i very rarely make arrangements for in the past.
what i think i'm trying to say is, i don't really like weather forecasts.
if you have any thoughts on the matter, it might be easier if you just keep them to yourself.
they don't actually know what the weather is going to be like!
they don't even predict it in a confident way; 'it might be sunny, it might rain'
i could do that!
and i wouldn't need thousands of pounds worth of equipment to tell me what the weather might be! i'd just stick my head out the window and say what it's like!
it's cold and wet all of the time, it's a fair bet it'll be cold and wet tomorrow. Yet the idiot on the TV tells you it might be sunny tomorrow, you know in your heart they're wrong but you prepare for sun, and guess what. it f***ing rains!
then, as if this wasn't bad enough, they have now started telling you what the weather has been.
that is NOT a forecast!
why on earth do i have to be told what the weather was, is it in case i wasn't quite paying attention earlier!?
and i very rarely make arrangements for in the past.
what i think i'm trying to say is, i don't really like weather forecasts.
if you have any thoughts on the matter, it might be easier if you just keep them to yourself.
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
Day 3 (imaginative names)
hello again,i know a lot of you are expecting an attack on Jade Goody, this i will do one daybut since she's not really annoying me at the moment (how can she be, SHE'S DEAD!) i will leave it for now,that's the only reason, i'm not worried about being sued at all, not in the slightest, well maybe a bit.
anyways, today i was tricked into going to Tesco's after my 'focus on learning' appointment. it was the worst place i have ever been to in my life. row after row of shelves, nothing of which was in the aisle the sign said it was in.then as i finally found a shelf with things i might be interested in buying, a complete stranger ducks under my arm and picks up the thing i was looking at!and then another person goes round the other side of me and takes the second best thing!i looked down just to make sure no one was going to duck between my legs!i don't understand why people can't just wait, why do i have to play an enormous game of Twister with every other person in the shop!?
then as i walked down an aisle to leave the shop (i assume i was going the right way, but quite frankly that place should be renamed labyrinth of lost souls)i walked past someone who was standing on the opposite side of the aisle, browsing the shelves from long range! how they were managing it without binoculars i don't know,but he looked at me as if i was doing something stupid!i was just going to leave the hell which is:Tesco, every little helps.
If you have a view on this, but are too lazy to make your own blog, send it to me and i might post it.
FOCUS ON LEARNING- THROUGH THE EYES OF OTHERS
i actually got some viewpoints from others on Focus on Learning:
this one's from Tiff Page:
Only having been to one "Focus On Learning" day, I feel that my opinion may be sliiightly invalid, but what the heck. I've been once, that's all you need to know.
Anyway. We're meant to be "Focusing On Learning" by staying at home. And doing the work set for us by our teachers. Effective? I think not. Who actually does the work set for them? Apart from Will Smith, maybe. Or David Skuse. You know, the boffin ones. The ones who actually think the teachers will check on how well we were focusing on our learning. Do these teachers ever check on the work they set? No. They don't. So there is no point in actually working.
Even if this plan did work, we would be interrupted half way through our very focused learning, to be driven with our parent/s, who would be very disgruntled for having to take a day/half day off work to escort you to your school, where you are actually meant to be learning. We wait around for more than half an hour, as our randomly assigned teacher is always late to get to your appointment, because obviously, our learning is so important. They tell you some rubbish, usually about how good you are and you could speak up a bit in class, and dismiss you. What a waste of time. You then are escorted home by a grumbling parent/s, complaining about how pointless that was. Cue you not focusing on any more learning, and parents moaning to you about how useless your school is.
They also tell you that you can go without your parent, but usually, when you get there, they just tell you it's pointless and then you go back home to your focused learning.
So yes. A very pointless day for everyone, unless you're lucky like me and just have the whole day off. For no reason. Apart from the school is stupid.
and Emma Thomas simply put:
10 minutes in uniform, why?
anyways, today i was tricked into going to Tesco's after my 'focus on learning' appointment. it was the worst place i have ever been to in my life. row after row of shelves, nothing of which was in the aisle the sign said it was in.then as i finally found a shelf with things i might be interested in buying, a complete stranger ducks under my arm and picks up the thing i was looking at!and then another person goes round the other side of me and takes the second best thing!i looked down just to make sure no one was going to duck between my legs!i don't understand why people can't just wait, why do i have to play an enormous game of Twister with every other person in the shop!?
then as i walked down an aisle to leave the shop (i assume i was going the right way, but quite frankly that place should be renamed labyrinth of lost souls)i walked past someone who was standing on the opposite side of the aisle, browsing the shelves from long range! how they were managing it without binoculars i don't know,but he looked at me as if i was doing something stupid!i was just going to leave the hell which is:Tesco, every little helps.
If you have a view on this, but are too lazy to make your own blog, send it to me and i might post it.
FOCUS ON LEARNING- THROUGH THE EYES OF OTHERS
i actually got some viewpoints from others on Focus on Learning:
this one's from Tiff Page:
Only having been to one "Focus On Learning" day, I feel that my opinion may be sliiightly invalid, but what the heck. I've been once, that's all you need to know.
Anyway. We're meant to be "Focusing On Learning" by staying at home. And doing the work set for us by our teachers. Effective? I think not. Who actually does the work set for them? Apart from Will Smith, maybe. Or David Skuse. You know, the boffin ones. The ones who actually think the teachers will check on how well we were focusing on our learning. Do these teachers ever check on the work they set? No. They don't. So there is no point in actually working.
Even if this plan did work, we would be interrupted half way through our very focused learning, to be driven with our parent/s, who would be very disgruntled for having to take a day/half day off work to escort you to your school, where you are actually meant to be learning. We wait around for more than half an hour, as our randomly assigned teacher is always late to get to your appointment, because obviously, our learning is so important. They tell you some rubbish, usually about how good you are and you could speak up a bit in class, and dismiss you. What a waste of time. You then are escorted home by a grumbling parent/s, complaining about how pointless that was. Cue you not focusing on any more learning, and parents moaning to you about how useless your school is.
They also tell you that you can go without your parent, but usually, when you get there, they just tell you it's pointless and then you go back home to your focused learning.
So yes. A very pointless day for everyone, unless you're lucky like me and just have the whole day off. For no reason. Apart from the school is stupid.
and Emma Thomas simply put:
10 minutes in uniform, why?
Monday, 23 March 2009
Day 2
how can i possibly follow up from that needless attack on the blind?
a few readers have asked me to attack Jade Goody, i will do this if you really want, but i should probably spread out the tasteless attacks on people. so hmm, awkward position here, no idea what to write....
i know, i'll attack the life wasting period of time known as 'Focus on Learning Day'
a day which helps you focus on your learning by not attending school.
how many mistakes can you make in one go!
once you get to your appointment; which cannot be changed under any circumstances or the world will end,
you are met by whichever person you have been randomly assigned to and
are told how to improve your learning by someone who doesn't teach you and actually has no idea how you learn.
that is best case scenario, what actually happens is you and your parents sit in silence opposite your teacher for a predetermined
amount of time, then go home. then the next poor group of idiots take your place. i ask you,
what is the point of this highly depressing form of musical chairs?
if you have an opinion on this, please email it to me, and if it's not at all contradictory to me, i may post it
a few readers have asked me to attack Jade Goody, i will do this if you really want, but i should probably spread out the tasteless attacks on people. so hmm, awkward position here, no idea what to write....
i know, i'll attack the life wasting period of time known as 'Focus on Learning Day'
a day which helps you focus on your learning by not attending school.
how many mistakes can you make in one go!
once you get to your appointment; which cannot be changed under any circumstances or the world will end,
you are met by whichever person you have been randomly assigned to and
are told how to improve your learning by someone who doesn't teach you and actually has no idea how you learn.
that is best case scenario, what actually happens is you and your parents sit in silence opposite your teacher for a predetermined
amount of time, then go home. then the next poor group of idiots take your place. i ask you,
what is the point of this highly depressing form of musical chairs?
if you have an opinion on this, please email it to me, and if it's not at all contradictory to me, i may post it
Sunday, 22 March 2009
Genesis
well, here i am. just starting out on the road of blog-i-ness.
i will first introduce myself, i am Alex. good start.
Grumpy old git extraordinaire. i hope to post some sort of rant daily, yes i am that grumpy.
i hope some of you will read this and in a world with 6.6 billion people it would also be nice to have at least one follower.
so where do i begin? well i know it was a few weeks back but i will start by complaining about the
PC attack on the lord almighty, Mr Jeremy Clarkson.
Clarkson described Gordon Brown as being a 'One-eyed Scottish Idiot' and was then set upon by the blind charity, who Clarkson could have easily walked away from, leaving them to argue to thin air.
instead, he was forced to apologise!
why!?
he spoke the gods honest truth, Brown has one eye, he is scottish and a complete idiot who shouldn't be our leader anyway because we never voted for him.
Two things annoy me here:
1) Clarkson told the truth and was forced to apologise, i think that Gordon Brown should be forced to apologise to the britsh public for being a one eyed scottish idiot!
2) why did the blind charity get involved!? Gordon Brown still has a working eye, so he's not blind!
however, these can both be easily solved, Gordon Brown will eventually have to apologise to the wold and it turns out the blind charity were having a go at the wrong person
i will first introduce myself, i am Alex. good start.
Grumpy old git extraordinaire. i hope to post some sort of rant daily, yes i am that grumpy.
i hope some of you will read this and in a world with 6.6 billion people it would also be nice to have at least one follower.
so where do i begin? well i know it was a few weeks back but i will start by complaining about the
PC attack on the lord almighty, Mr Jeremy Clarkson.
Clarkson described Gordon Brown as being a 'One-eyed Scottish Idiot' and was then set upon by the blind charity, who Clarkson could have easily walked away from, leaving them to argue to thin air.
instead, he was forced to apologise!
why!?
he spoke the gods honest truth, Brown has one eye, he is scottish and a complete idiot who shouldn't be our leader anyway because we never voted for him.
Two things annoy me here:
1) Clarkson told the truth and was forced to apologise, i think that Gordon Brown should be forced to apologise to the britsh public for being a one eyed scottish idiot!
2) why did the blind charity get involved!? Gordon Brown still has a working eye, so he's not blind!
however, these can both be easily solved, Gordon Brown will eventually have to apologise to the wold and it turns out the blind charity were having a go at the wrong person
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